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The Dyslexia Gang Part 3

These are the symptoms and signs of Dyslexia as described by The British Dyslexia Association

Frequently late - occasionally missing important events altogether - and misjudging how long it takes to drive somewhere - yep that's me, unless I set an alarm on my phone to leave really, really early I will be late. I genuinely do not understand where the time goes, you start putting your shoes on, and the next minute you have lost twenty...

Problems with time management - a poor sense of time - find it difficult to plan time - frequently run out of time doing a task or fail to plan enough time for all the things that need to be done for the task to be completed - see above, also note when I thought I could write eighteen courses, edit the same, polish, record the audio for, design the companion sheet for sixteen of the courses, and get them to the website technology type genius lady to get online and pretty in six weeks. And was late delivering, twice.  

Can’t remember numbers - phone numbers, pin numbers, timetables etc - need to write a phone number down immediately to remember it. Again

Poor memory for anything number related like dates and facts - everyone who knows me knows that I say if you don;t see me write it down assume it won't happen.

Trouble understanding graphs or charts - can’t recognise the meaning of symbols - I bought a lovely craft kit, but turns out it has the mother of all charts, and so I open it, look at it, and put it away again. My cross stitch charts I expand to 10x and do them in little sessions marking off stitches as I go.

Difficulty remembering what symbols mean or linking numbers and symbols to directions - see above

Hard to understand even very simple spoken maths equations - I stopped my maths education at long division, Mrs Roper, fourth year juniors.

Get different answers to same Math problem and need to check work over and over again to be confident of getting the right answer. see above.

Gets lost easily and misplaces objects around the house - ask my husband about this one (if you have an hour to spare).

Difficulty working out change or a tip, use fingers to count - cannot see the problem with counting on my fingers

Trouble recognising patterns and sequencing - I think I'm alright at this, others may disagree

Motor functions - trouble learning dance steps or athletic movements or anything that requires you to move your body in a certain sequence - tried to learn ballroom dancing, jive, did GCSE Dance, and  despite practising the two dances I made them both up on the day, I did not pass well.

Struggles to keep scores in games and loses track of whose turn it is - yep

Difficulty remembering names and facial recognition (Prosopagnosia) - if you appear out of context that can hardly be my fault, I have, for some time, campaigned for name badges for all without success. 

If the majority of these fit you - congratulations, you are officially part of the most creative section of the population whoop whoop

I did the very involved test on The British Dyslexia Association website, which has given me a headache, and says that I don't fit the markers...so that's interesting, and Dyslexia experts care to comment? 

New subscribers gift

I mentioned it on Facebook etc, but it is always worth reminding people here on my very own blog.

All new subscribers to my blog by the end of Sunday 19th April will be given one of the all new and sparkly stories from my new book Laughing at Myself, which isn't even out yet.

And it comes with an added little surprise

TTFN Eden :-)

Cheeky preview

Just because, here's another little cheeky preview from my second book Laughing at Myself

On the day I booked in my regular hairdresser was away, but I wasn’t worried, these ladies were all professionals, I sat in the chair, took off my spectacles, and settled into a very soft focus world. Three hours later I put my glasses back on to find I had the tightest perm that anyone has ever had, reducing my hair to about a half an inch fuzz all over my head, it was also dried out and crunchy to the touch, two qualities that hair should never really have.

It couldn’t have looked more ridiculous if I were wearing a joke wig, in shock I paid, stumbled home and was greeted with my mum’s tactful “what the f**k have you done to your hair?”. This surprisingly did not help me to feel better about my hair monstrosity, and I phoned the shop to complain.

“It just needs a deep condition”, said the lady who wasn’t my hairdresser, “perms can be ‘a bit drying”. She suggested a wax conditioner, (which I attempted to buy in several shops without success, deciding it must be the hairdressers equivalent of tartan paint). I suggested coming in to see the manager. The next day I went into the manager who said she thought it looked really ‘nice’ funny then that she didn’t have the same hairstyle herself then wasn’t it.

They didn’t offer to do anything, even when after explaining I had asked the ladies to do a light body perm, and they had told the trainee which rollers to use (the smallest rollers invented, the sort that would make pencil look on the flabby side).

At the point when I was almost immune to people’s sideways looks of horror at work, in shops, cafes, and on the bus frizz ease was invented, and although it took two hours to apply and blow dry straight, it turned my hair from crunchy poodle, to Lego helmet hair. Which at least gave me another option.

Let me know what you think

TTFN Eden :-)

Sneak peak

Here's a sneak peek of Catarracts Toilet from my second Laughing at Myself, which is (I promise) on it's way...

Being the fabulous daughter in law that I obviously am, what else would I do when mum in law needed to get to a check-up before her cataracts operation but offer to drive her to the hospital? she was having her first check up with a specialist to see whether her cataracts were ‘ripe enough’ to operate on (I think this expression is gross, but it is the real one, so there we go). We arrived with plenty of time to spare before the appointment so that she had time to ‘settle in’, which translates into had time to take her coat off, pop to the toilet and then chat in the waiting room for a bit. The chatting part is very important, although her husband is still around, she tells me that after 46 years you really are in need of some fresh conversation.

If you want to hear the rest of the story I'll be reading it for you very soon :-)

TTFN Eden :-)

Best job ever

“Have you ever wondered what is the best job title in the world? (besides body oil application assistant to Tom Hardy)

Well I saw a badge a couple of weeks ago, that surely must be the one, and was blown away – no careers advice service ever told me this was an option.

Did you know that you could be a ‘Cheesecake Creator’ – me either, until I met Chetal Patel from Sopwell Pantry. Best job in the world, Chetal Patel your new best friend

Not only does this lucky woman get to make and test her own wares, she also creates her own flavour combinations for us to enjoy, inspired by her travels around the world.

Hmm Chetal is it wrong that we all want to be your best friend?

Say Hello to Chetal

TTFN Eden :-)

It’s the future

Hey all, as you probably know by now I am working hard on my next book 'Laughing at Myself' which hopefully will come out later this year or in January 2020.  That feels utterly bizarre, 2020 is a futuristic time and now it's nearly here, must be a sign of getting old.  Anyway, so L-A-M is coming along well now, half the stories are ready for the editor (sorry Steph) and the other half is in final draft, just need a bit of tweaking for me to be happy enough with them.

This time last year I was rushing around like a lunatic the editor was on the phone for hours, the cover I wanted wasn't available, and it dawned on me that I had been so busy writing that I hadn't done enough marketing to let anyone know that Down With Frogs existed.  It was a baptism of fire, but what a lot of lessons learnt, and a lovely spreadsheet (yum spreadsheet...) that told me what to do when was born.  This time I have taken the lessons and worked more 50/50 on marketing and writing, and I haven't even looked at my beautiful chart, so I am guessing that by the next book (title currently unknown) I will be organised enough to use the chart and not have to think so much about having to do certain things by certain times, as the spreadsheet will run my life.

What an amazing life this is, I write stuff down that comes into my head and you read it.  #dreamcometrue, apparently hash tags have had their day - hey nothing wrong with being 5 to 10 years behind the times....

TTFN Eden :-)

Apologies, puppies & internet

A certain puppy has decided to chew through my power cable, and I am waiting for a new one to appear via the wobbly web.  Normal service will resume Thursday (everything crossed) - what have you been doing?

TTFN Eden :-)

Fish diets

Fish like curry, cheese, garlic, chilli and spicy food - apparently this is a fact.  How do I know this? because there is a fisherman in the family.  Why do fish like curry, cheese, garlic, chilli and spicy food? no-one I have spoken to really knows, and how did the first person find this out? Did they have a bag of food with them that fell into the water, and then they noticed a feeding frenzy? I highly doubt it.

A trawl through a certain search engine brought up nothing, that's right you heard me NOTHING. How weird is that?  If you have any answers or theories please do let me know, this is one of those things that will play on my mind until I know the answer.

TTFN Eden :-)

Inspiration Forum interview

A massive thank you to Fiona Mcavie for a great interview, and a really fast turn around! Don't forget to leave both Fiona and me and comment on your thoughts x

https://authorsinterviews.wordpress.com/here-is-my-interview-with-eden-gruger/

TTFN Eden :-)

First aid, Frisbees & Festivals

Picture it, a hot summers day at a festival, dancing, flirty, laughing in a clearing in the crowd, when I got hit in the head by a frisbee travelling at full speed. Everything stopped, it took a full minute for me to realise that my head hurt, a lot.

Being overly conscious of not wanting to look like a total idiot, I decided to style it out by appearing not to notice what had happened. This involved standing straight up staring blankly into the crowd (I may need to work more on being casual cool), whilst people close enough to see what had happened gathered around me to check that I was ok. Until the crowd dispersed, I kept saying with a laugh, wasn’t that hilarious?

After they have gone, I admit to my friends that my head really does hurt a lot, and not in a fun way, and that I am pretty sure that I have concussion. In a strange twist we were all sober enough to know that we wouldn’t be able to go to the hospital as we were all over the drink drive limit, but were all too inebriated to consider the first aid tent.

Let me know what you think -

TTFN Eden :-)

Doner Kebabs & heart attacks

Another day, another Doner, my confession to you is that I live in London, and I have never actually tried a doner kebab, never even been tempted not when drunk or when insanely hungry.  There may even be people reading this who have never even seen one.  Let me explain, imagine how you would draw a leg of lamb for a medieval banquet - bear with me, and then imagine it upside down, and that it is all light brown and wet look shiny.  Finally imagine it rotating, slowly.  This is a Doner kebab.  It is a marriage of meat scraps welded together with fat, doesn't that sound appetising? Husband said that his friend used to treat himself to one after a hard weeks work, I asked which of his friends this was? 'Oh you don't know him' he said, 'he died of a heart attack'.

Why am I explaining this to you? because today I am having the wealthy cousin of the aforementioned Doner - the Chicken Shish, chunks of chicken breast, peppers, mushrooms and onions on skewers and grilled over a barbeque grill.  So I am able to tell myself that grilled meat, and vegetables, especially when served with salad is a healthy option.

This is very much like life as a whole, in any situation you can make whatever choices you wish, but remember that the treat you believe that you deserve for your efforts can be what ends up killing your spirit (if not your body).  Maybe the real treat is looking after yourself, being your own carer and cheerleader - at - all - times - people - at - all - times.

Take you of yourselves

TTFN Eden :-)

Deafness and accents

Auntie Elda is a lovely person, I think, I say that I think because although I have known her my whole life, I haven’t actually been able to understand anything she has ever said. She has a beautiful, musical Southern Irish accent, it sounds gorgeous, but is absolutely impenetrable thanks to my dodgy hearing.

I think she must think I am quite ‘special’ too, given that I always just nod and agree with everything she has ever said to me, I imagine her going home and saying to my Uncle ahh poor Laura such a shame.

The one upside to this, is that Auntie Elda has always called me by my sister's name, so at least she thinks it is Laura who is the idiot.

Words in Progress Posts

TTFN Eden :-)

Puppies and hotels

Anyone who follows my Facebook page will have noticed that I gave the (probably unnecessary) advice last week, not to take a 17 week old puppy to a hotel – even a dog friendly hotel. Because that is exactly what I did over Easter. It wasn’t entirely through choice you understand; we had a voucher for Christmas that we hadn’t been able to use before pup arrived. Please rest assured that I did tell the hotel when we booked how old pup would be when we came to stay, so they knew what they were letting themselves in for.

When we arrived there was a lovely patio in the sunshine for a leisurely lunch, and no-one looked disapprovingly at the creatures, so that was a good start; even when Mabel started barking at a random tree (in her defence it did look a bit shady…boom boom).
It was later when we got into our room that things became a little more stressful. Despite being outside for two hours, the first thing on our little Prince’s agenda was a massive wee. Which took nearly a whole toilet roll to mop up, who puts carpet in a dog friendly room? We had to have the windows open the rest of the time to try and lessen the smell of boy urine.

Needing to bring in our bags and the doggy crate from the car we left them in the massive bathroom, only to find out on a return no more than seven minutes later; that our Princess had done more poop than she had in the last three weeks up together. And that they had both danced it around the room.

They went into the crate whilst I got to work with the cleaning products.

The rest of the weekend was much easier, with only a fall into a swamp, and a nose bleed on the white duvet cover to contend with…. How was your Easter?

TTFN Eden :-)

Whispering Stories interview

Exciting times - my first official interview comes out on today, it's on the book review blog 'Whispering Stories', under their 'Writing Life Of...' feature.

Many thanks to Stacey for some great questions.

Follow the link below to read the interview, and check out the other great features and articles - and as always don't forget to let me know what you think in the comment section below.

TTFN Eden :-)

https://whisperingstories.com/writing-life-eden-gruger