This afternoon I had the absolute privilege to meet with Nari Sandhu to talk about why she for me an inspirational woman. Although she admitted that when I asked her she thought “why does Eden want to talk to me?” I think by the end of the page you will understand, and feel the same as I do.
Nari definitely seems like a go with the flow kind of person, one who sees challenges and just works through them, not a worrier by any stretch of the imagination. Although her upbringing was fairly strict, with the expectations of what she would do (and when) were mapped out, she didn’t really mind too much, and followed the expectations her mother had for her.
When a match was found for her she believed it would be a well thought out choice, and at twenty one she married Amrik, and moved in with his family. Nari smiled when I asked her how that had worked out, thirty four years married so we can assume it’s been a good choice.
It took some adjustment living with her new husband’s family while he worked in London, but as she said that’s how things were. Nari admits she was very naive about babies when she had their son Ajvir, and got told off by a nurse at one point for saying “it keeps crying”. A sentiment I think most mothers will have shared at one point.
Something more steely developed in Nari when her children were born, she didn’t want to set out their life for them based on her expectations, or that of the older generations. Instead wanting them to have the freedom to explore what their hearts led them to. And as it happened this wish would become a guiding principle in Nari’s future in a way that no-one could have expected.
This desire for freedom and choice showed again when Ajvir was just two years old, after trying to brush his top knot one last time Nari decided enough was enough, and had his hair cut. Not so dramatic you might think, but for a Sikh this was quite a thing to have done, and caused painful ripples with his grandparents. But Nari was adamant if Ajvir chose to regrow his hair then that would be fine, but it would have to be his choice.
Time moved on, and their beautiful daughter Sabinder arrived, Nari describes her life as “perfect really”, with a loving family, good husband, lovely home and two amazing children.
Ajvir took after Nari, not worrying about things, just seeing the opportunities in life, he loved to try new things, he tried basketball and karate, and several other things before visitor from the Air Cadets did a talk at his school.
Children had to be thirteen to join, and although he had a couple of months to go before his thirteenth birthday Ajvir spoke to the visitor and seeing something in him, she told him that he could come along even though he wasn’t quite old enough.
Rather than being another passing phase the Air Cadets became a passion, he wanted to be a fast jet pilot (think Top Gun). With him going to twice a week after school, and often at weekends too. When it became clear how serious he was, and finding it hard to get him to the group around work and home, Nari wanted to support him in every way that she could, and decided to leave work to concentrate on the family again.
With his family’s support Ajvir rose through the ranks, in 2009 becoming the Lord Lieutenants Cadet for London, where he took part of Trooping the colour, and met The Queen. Being the boy he was Ajvir managed to do this without causing issues with his school work, and while completing the Gold Duke of Edinburgh award, and meeting the Duke of Edinburgh.
Once he had set his mind to a goal Ajvir worked hard to achieve it, but it wasn’t enough to just succeed, like his mother he wanted to help others around him to achieve their dreams too. A skill which led to his squadron winning the prestigious Lees Trophy, a prestigious award that celebrates outstanding performance and contributions within the RAF Air Cadets.
Something that Nari and her husband did insist on, was that Ajvir should go to university, they wanted him to have a fallback option just in case he wasn’t able to have the career he dreamt of in the air force. So, off he went to Durham university to study geology, and stayed an extra year to do a Masters, eventually leaving with a First class honours degree.
Finally the time had come for Ajvir to pursue his childhood dream of being a fast jet fighter, according to the Ministry of Defence only ten pilots were chosen to become Fast Jet trained in 2015/16, and you won’t be surprised to hear that Ajvir was one of that ten.
publishing.service.gov.uk figures
More dream experiences followed including flying with the Red Arrows and MiGs with the Slovakian Airforce.
The understandable pride and joy of her son’s achievements light up Nari’s face as we are talking, but then she begins to talk about the next period of her life, which started with “the day my life went dark”.
On 30th April 2016 whilst flying with a friend and colleague from the elite Linton-on-Ouse base Ajvir tragically lost his life.
Although I have tried I haven’t been able to find words adequate enough to convey the magnitude of Nari and her family’s loss.
We agreed that the first year of bereavement goes in a flash, by the time arrangements have been made, a funeral has been held, and you have tried to find a way to breathe without the person.
As the anniversary came around Nari realised that she didn’t want to do the traditional thing of spending the anniversary of Ajvir’s death in prayer. Instead she wanted to do something, and decided to carry on his legacy with the The Ajvir Singh Sandhu Leadership Foundation. And with the same tenacity they shared with their son, Nari and Amrik launched the charity on his anniversary.
During our conversation Nari shares that after a few years she realised there was no answer to the endless Why? Nothing that could help make sense of the death of incredible child. The pain is a circle of ebbs and flows, sometimes less difficult, other times much worse. While the charity is an incredible thing to have created, she would as anyone could understand swap it all to have her son with her.
What is it about The Ajvir Singh Sandhu Leadership Foundation that touches my heart? Beyond the story of pain that led to it’s creation, it’s the ethos that runs from how Nari brought her own children up to what they offer to the children the charity supports. Something that many children do not find in life, someone to believe in their dreams.
Through funding grants to providing mentorship, young people are encouraged to pursue their dreams, whether that be sporting or otherwise. And as Nari said ‘whether those dreams end up coming true or not, children just need someone to believe in them’.
And that is why Nari Sandhu is an inspirational person to me, a loving supportive mother, someone who has carried on despite the weight of unbearable pain, to create something that gives other children the chance to shine, just as Ajvir shone.
If you know a young person who would benefit from The Ajvir Singh Sandhu Leadership Foundation or you have a youth group or school who would like to know more about supporting the charity or getting their support please get in touch with Nari and Amrik at the Ajvir Singh Sandhu Leadership Foundation
