This popped into my inbox today, and proved tome how far I have come on my personal journey, I was definitely a yes but-er, but not no more!
You need to stop rejecting compliments, and learn to graciously receive and accept them. These words of wisdom are shared with permission from their writer, the ever lovely Natalie King, qualified Life, Confidence Happiness Coach, Goal Setting and Public Speaking Mentor, a Distinguished Toastmaster (DTM), and slave to 3 dogs.
“Yes, But!” Is this something you say? Or like me is this something you hear a lot when you give a compliment, the person responds with Yes, But!
Lately, I have come across this both in my coaching with clients as well as within my toastmaster’s club. When a compliment is passed on and the person says Yes, But! with an excuse or their own reason why they cannot accept the compliment, it makes me so mad, as they are belittling themselves as well as the person giving the compliment. Sometimes I just want to boink them on the head!!!
Arguing the compliment does not prove a point. All it does is take away the joy of the compliment. I know that accepting a compliment is hard and that it can feel embarrassing to receive. Especially if we are low in confidence or self-esteem.
Have you thought that when you get a compliment to just say thank you? Maybe you feel shy, or undeserving of the compliment and the urge to say Yes, But! is there, just stop, pause and say thank you. It will mean so much to the person giving the compliment. Plus by you just saying thank you, and thinking about what was said, you can start to believe the compliment.
Now if you are the person giving the compliment and you get a Yes, But! Interrupt the person and remind them that you are genuine and you meant what you said, and ask them to accept the compliment in the spirit it was given. Maybe they are low in confidence and they just need a little reminder that they are a great person.
Enjoy all the compliments that you are given, as they are well deserved.